A rising interest in intergenerational worship in the yearly meeting has also led to meetings creating spaces for children in the places where they worship. This is more than putting a “children’s area” in the places where we worship — It is a visible message to any newcomer, including families with children, that “You are welcome here.”
In my visits to local meetings, and in Spiritual State of the Meeting reports, this has been part of a growing conversation about how we welcome children and their parents/caregivers in Quaker community. It acknowledges that the silence of waiting worship is available for children, too, and Friends who create these spaces for children are honoring that truth alongside the hope that the meeting community will extend its welcome to the youngest Friends and visitors. It’s often the case that meetings assert that children are always welcome to “stay in worship” even if there is a program or childcare for them during that hour — these spaces attest to intention and preparation that supports that spirit of welcome.
As the photos included below illustrate, this can be a very simple “set up” — child-sized furniture and perhaps a rocker for adults. A rug to define the space, perhaps some pillows for sitting on the floor. A basket of books, drawing materials, dolls or stuffed animals for comfort. There may be Friends in the meeting with some of these items in their attic ready to share, or a local yard sale to find them. As our simplicity testimony affirms, it’s not about the value of the things but our attention and intention to creating a place of welcome.
Several years ago, during an intergenerational meeting for worship, a child sitting near me on the floor leaned over and whispered, “How much longer is this?” I smiled, and made a conscious decision to whisper back, “I’m so glad you’re here today.” They regarded me for a moment with a look that said, “You didn’t answer the question, which should have been a number of minutes,” then smiled back and settled themselves for the rest of the time. (It was about eleven minutes.) My intention was to let them know that their presence mattered for all of us, encourage them to continue to be present, and let them decide how they wanted to “be” in that time left together. Adults have the privilege and responsibility to explain, practice, and share our faith with children in worship, while being open to the possibility that children’s spirituality is different from their own.
There are both theological and developmental assumptions about children that can lead to concerns about their presence in worship. In his 1990 book, The Spiritual Life of Children, child psychologist Robert Coles reminds us of the need to practice a form of discernment that takes children seriously as agents of God’s grace. Coles encourages us to value children’s spiritual lives in general as well as their particular experiences. Moreover, Coles’ observations reveal a deeply important reality not always evident in other child spirituality studies: “that direct contact with the spiritual lives of children often influence adult lives as well.” If we assume this influence to be positive, the assertion underscores the need for adults and children to share in all-ages spiritual community.
When the concern about children’s capacity for stillness and silence rises in a conversation about children’s presence in worship, one response is to acknowledge that their integration with the worshiping body will require both setting expectations and providing preparation. Another response is that the challenges of stillness and silence can be true for both children and adults. The concern about protecting our adult experience of worship is frequently articulated, and those are real feelings to include in the conversation. The concern for a parent/caregiver having the time for their own spiritual refreshment, without needing to attend to a child during meeting for worship, needs to be treated with compassion. This may not be a practice for every Sunday, but a possibility for participating together made accessible for children and their families.
Recently, a Friend in her 80s described to me her childhood experience of meeting for worship: “We always went, never thought of not being in meeting for worship on Sunday. The children came and sat in the middle of the room, to see and connect with smiling older Friends because they missed grandparents living at a distance.” She added, more generally about children in worship: “We don’t need to fear it.”
How might these simple spaces in worship rooms be a beginning step, used when needed or during an occasional intergenerational worship time? If your meeting would be interested in a conversation to share what you’re doing in this area, or how to get started, please reach out!
Featured image: Middletown Meeting (Concord QM)
